I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
