fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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