i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
