evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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