we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
