Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize