Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
