He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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