he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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