I'd wear matching sweaters with you
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
