I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
