We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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