Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she peed on how many people?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
