kristin has been a bad kristin
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
