I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
