Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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