I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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