I need help removing her.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
