Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
