Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
