I think my vagina is haunted
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
