I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
