he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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