Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize