i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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