sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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