You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
