I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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