I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
