What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
