i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
