Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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