Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
