I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
