please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
