Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
