i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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