It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
cat food counts as protein by the way
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
