Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
