He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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