Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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