it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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