dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
