were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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