well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
