Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
