for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
