I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
