That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
