i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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