yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize