I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
