How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
