it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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