Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
