she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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