How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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