just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
