Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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