My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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