And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
