Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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