The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
