ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize