she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
