Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize