my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
