Don't EVER smell your tampon
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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